


and she whispered the words

by snortingmaiko



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Bending (Avatar), Don't feel like you have to be a maiko shipper to read; just give it a try, Fic might help non maiko shippers understand Mai and Zuko's dynamic, Hurt Zuko (Avatar), Mai and Zuko, maiko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25776424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snortingmaiko/pseuds/snortingmaiko
Summary: When we think of love, we imagine something beautiful and endearing — like the ocean, colorful, and full of much depth. Like floods of waves swishing back and forth, dancing. But true love, is brash and harsh, with dreamy ups and scorching downs. True love is holding the hand of someone standing in a fire — burning and burning in the flames just to be with them. Because they're the only one who understands. And no matter what struggle they go through, you want to be there to support them — even if it means turning to ash. But the truth is, though, the heat and the pain becomes unbearable and you begin to realize — you can't take it anymore.So, you step out of the flame, and you're alone again. But then you blink.And you're running back.
Relationships: Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Essentially, this fic is some background on what happened during book 3 of A:TLA between Mai and Zuko. It combines what happened in the comics and the show along with my perception of the characters. I'd like to disclaim that this is completely fan made :) Please bear with me on the first chapter, a lot of it is just background info. The end of this story will be my own little head canon of how I think Mai and Zuko would've rekindled after Smoke and Shadow and what I make up to come after. The story might take time to come together, so enjoy the ride. Fasten your seatbelt and get ready for a rollercoaster of emotions. It is Mai and Zuko, after all.

**Chapter 1: The city of secrets and lies**

_ “It’s not nice to bother people about things they might not want to talk about.” _

  
  


_ “A man’s past is his business.” _

  
  


_ “Mom, can you make Zuko play with us?” _

  
  


_ “I failed.” _

  
  


_ “That’s who you are, Zuko, someone who keeps fighting even though it’s hard.” _

  
  


_ “Dad’s going to kill you, really, he is.” _

  
  


_ “Azula always lies...Azula always lies.” _

  
  


_ “Zuko, never forget who you are.” _

  
  


_ “Who are you?” _

  
  


_ “My name is Zuko, prince of the Fire Nation and heir to the throne.” _

  
  


**_“So, how’d you get that scar?”_ **

  
  
  


Zuko closed his eyes as the glaring sun flared in through the windows, gleaming off his face in an intensely sharp fury. The warm feeling — burning back and forth against his skin — brought back sparks of pain and humiliation. It brought back the memory of his scorching banishment. The day that he began this dreadful journey of seeking back his very own honor. The same journey that led him here, all the way to the Earth Kingdom city of Ba Sing Se. 

“Zuzu. What a pleasant surprise. I’ve finished the arrangements for our trip back to the Fire Nation -- We’ll be gone by tomorrow night,” Azula announced, abruptly interrupting the hazy memories that flushed his mind.

  
  


On the day of Zuko’s banishment, his father told him that upon his return, he must bring the Avatar. Capturing the Avatar was the only way for him to regain his honor — and value in the eyes of his father’s. Something he craved indefinitely. While Zuko hadn’t been the one to kill the Avatar — Azula was — he stood by his nation when it mattered most. He fought alongside Azula in Ba Sing Se and helped bring Aang down. If he were to return home, would his father still welcome him with open arms — what if he didn’t. After all, Zuko wasn’t the one to do the act. He wasn’t the one to kill Avatar Aang. And worse, what if Aang isn’t really dead? 

  
  


Zuko closed his eyes, only to reopen them and flush away the recollection, “But you’re the leader of Ba Sing Se now. You would really give up control of this whole city?” 

  
  


Azula smiled, “Don’t worry, dear brother. I’ve found the  _ perfect _ person to leave in charge. Someone who will execute the Fire Lord’s will mercilessly and without question.”

Azula reached out a hand toward her left and continued, “Supreme Bureaucratic Administrator Joo Dee!”

  
  


Zuko glanced over and finally took the time to acknowledge a middle-aged woman, who displayed a highly unsettling smile towards him. He nodded at her. She continued to smile. 

  
  


The strange demeanored woman was holding a bowl of candy and continued to smile repugnantly while saying, “The Earth Nation humbly accepts this opportunity to serve the great and powerful Fire Nation. Care for a mint?”

  
  


“Ba Sing Se will be safe in her care, and we can personally deliver our Uncle, the traitor, back to the Fire Nation,” Azula stated, unblinking, making sure that her words were final. 

  
  


Zuko scowled, “You don’t need me for that. I’ll stay here.”

  
  


“Zuko, now that we’ve defeated the Avatar, father will welcome you as a hero. You’re the Fire Prince again and you’ll have your old life back,” Azula tried convincing, as she attempted to make a ‘pretty please’ face. 

  
  


“I already said, I’m not going with you!” Zuko yelled while storming out of the throne room.

  
  


Azula was a prodigy — anyone in the Fire Nation could guarantee that. She was bold, cunning, attentive, direct, but above it all, she knew how to step into action and get what she wanted. Azula was admirably scary, the way that she would walk into a palace and claim the throne for herself — like a lion, scared of nothing. She always, always, got her way. Azula was to her core, fearlessly corrupt. She did things because she wanted to. And for the most part, it would work out. She would get whatever it was she desired. The few times when she didn’t, though, you could see a small glimpse of who she really was. When Azula was denied something, she would start tripping up — making small, unnoticeable mistakes. Once you looked closely, you could see that Azula was deeply broken, and she would hide it with her facade of perfection and power. 

  
  


Azula was furious. Zuko, of course, would be the one to stray from her requests. He never listened to her, and that made her relentless. She ran off into her sleeping quarters with clenched fists and narrowed eyebrows. She practically kicked the golden doors open while shouting out to Ty Lee.

  
  


“Ty Lee! Stop what you’re doing! And listen to me!” Azula screamed.

  
  


Ty Lee set down her hairbrush and turned from her vanity to face Azula. She smiled and made an attentive face, preparing for the fury rush of words to come. Whenever Azula had exactly one hair out of place, it was a dead giveaway that something was off. Azula  _ never _ had a hair out of place unless something was severely wrong.

  
  


_ “It’s important to always look dignified, in cases that you’re in the mood to conquer another city. One can’t do that with a pesky hair out of place.” _

  
  


Azula cleared her throat, snapping Ty Lee out of her thoughts, and returning her to her attentive manner. “My brother is being difficult as usual… so we need some extra persuasion to make him come back with us,” Azula plotted. 

  
  


Both girls sat in silence, thinking. After a few moments, Azula’s lips tilted up to the left, and a menacing smirk told Ty Lee that she had an idea.

  
  


Azula twirled her hair, thinking of the one greatest weakness Zuko had — Mai. “We know that Zuko and Mai had childhood crushes on each other…” 

  
  


Ty Lee’s eyes twinkled in excitement, realizing where this was going, and she nodded in agreement, “Totally!”

  
  


“So let’s get them reacquainted,” Azula smirked. She brushed her hair back and closed her eyes, thinking up a plan. Azula was playing dangerous. She was stirring the pot and the soup was starting to burn. 

  
  


\------------------------------------

  
  


It was around late dinner time and the sun had long past set. On the outermost corner of Ba Sing Se, servants were rushing to prepare a feast. A tent-like structure was set up on the gardens grounds, and oriental lanterns were hung all around. A small table was set in the middle of the tent and a pink table cloth was laid upon it. As a finishing touch, a rose candle was lit and set as the centerpiece of the table. Moments later, two teens — Zuko and Mai — arrived at the tent. Not too far off, Azula and Ty Lee were hiding behind a bush — giggling like two little kids. 

  
  


“Where is everyone? Azula told me that Admiral Liang was visiting and wanted to join us for dinner.  **All** of us,” Mai said, maintaining a neutral expression. 

  
  


Zuko turned his head to face Mai. She was stunning. A long, traditional Earth Kingdom dress with variant shades of green and a creamy white color lined her body. The back side of the dress flared out — almost like a cape that flowed in the wind as she stood still. Gold and silver medallions lined the bottom hem of her dress and jewels were clipped in her hair. Zuko felt tingly and rushes of emotions flew back to him. 

  
  


Zuko, similarly, maintained a neutral expression and said, “She told me the same things, Mai. She’s up to something.” 

Mai frowned and glanced down at the feast in front of them. A wide range of asian cuisine was laid out, dumplings, fried pork, noodles, the list went on. 

  
  


“Well, the food doesn’t look that awful. I guess we shouldn’t let it go to waste,” Mai said while continuing to frown. 

  
  


Zuko thought she was pretty when she frowned. Actually, Zuko thought she was always pretty. He thought the way that her dark hair shone purple hues in the moonlight was otherworldly. And how her hazel eyes almost appear black in the dim lighting, how they glistened and pierced your heart. She was  _ enchanting. _

  
  


Mai cleared her throat and sat down across from Zuko. She nibbled at a dumpling and couldn’t help but blush when she noticed Zuko blushing. 

  
  


“Almost tastes like fire nation food. Just isn’t seasoned enough,” Zuko stated in a lousy attempt to make conversation. 

  
  


Before Mai could respond, the sudden sound of footsteps began to approach and both teens became defensive — watching their surroundings closely. Rushes of adrenaline fueled their bodies and each muscle tensed, waiting and listening. Moments later, the strum of a ukulele began to ring throughout the air. Mai moved her hands away from the dagger stashed in her sleeve and Zuko felt his nerves calm down. They downplayed their attentive faces and instead flashed an annoyed look. The royal musician had arrived and was making an attempt to romanticize the situation by playing the famous ‘Avatar’s Love’ song. Zuko and Mai covered their ears, scowls on their faces. They weren’t into it. 

  
  


“Can you please stop that? You’re giving me a headache!” Zuko practically screamed. 

  
  


The musician made an awkward smile and quit playing, “Sorry! I haven’t practiced in a while.”

  
  


As the musician spoke, a rustling of leaves sounded nearby. Behind the bushes, Azula and Ty Lee poked their heads up, obnoxiously giggling. Furious, Zuko stood up from his seat. So abruptly in fact, that his chair toppled to the ground. 

  
  


“I know you’re back there, Azula! Don’t you have something more to do?” Zuko yelled, clenching his fists in heats of anger.

Azula brushed off her left shoulder and turned to face Ty Lee, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was just telling Ty Lee to stop messing around in the bushes. It’s undignified.” 

  
  


“Hey!” Ty Lee said, as her face perked up in surprise and embarrassment. 

  
  


Mai rolled her eyes and turned to Zuko, so she could whisper in his ear, “Let’s get out of here.”

  
  


Zuko agreed. 

  
  


\--------------------------------------------------

  
  


Zuko and Mai didn’t really agree on a specific place to go. Instead, they just talked and walked — in a sense, they let destiny lead the way. Destiny. Such a strange thing. Destiny brought Mai and Zuko back to a fountain in the middle of Ba Sing Se. Both individuals made a mental note of how ironic it was. They met at a fountain and happened to be standing before one now. 

  
  


“Remember when..” Zuko began before a brown-haired earth kingdom girl rested a hand on his shoulder peering up from behind him. 

  
  


“Lee, I can’t believe it! It’s been so long.” the girl said, turning him around to face her.

  
  


“Lee?” Mai commented sarcastically, raising an eyebrow and crossing her arms.

  
  


Zuko blushed, slightly embarrassed. Hearing the familiar voice of Jin took him through a rough tornado and back to a different time. It pushed him through the wind of disasters and brought back feelings, thoughts, touches. Her lips. His lips. Jin. Lee. It was a funny day when it happened, when she kissed him. She was cute, sure, but Zuko was realizing what a mistake that had been. Jin was not Mai, and Zuko was a different man back then. He had, literally, taken the identity of ‘Lee’, a simple refugee who worked at his Uncle’s tea shop, in order to disguise himself. A lie, but a great one at that. 

  
  


“Who’s  _ this _ ?” Jin asked, pointing to Mai with a sour face. 

  
  


Zuko smiled, awkwardly, and gestured towards Mai, “Oh...Hi, Jin… um...er...This is just my friend. My friend from… the circus! Yeah… She’s the knife thrower.”

  
  


Mai raised an eyebrow, again, and frowned.

  
  


“Really?” Jin questioned.

  
  


Mai decided to go along with it and get back at Zuko while in the process. She put on a sly smile and said, “Here, I’ll show you. Go stand over there,  _ Lee _ .” 

  
  


Mai clutched onto the left sleeve of Zuko’s tunic and pushed him towards the fountain, placing a frozen fish from the market stall found beside them on his head. Mai glanced around, and her eyes met the sights of numerous kiosks and stalls. She looked from afar, inspecting the stalls, looking for a sharp, dagger-like object (She didn’t want to use the daggers on her as it was such a hassle to clean and resharpen them). While her eyes skipped across numerous street food vendors, jewelry sellers, and antique buyers, she spotted an ice cream cart.

  
  


Jin crossed her arms and watched, sparking Mai’s attention back from her close-knit search for a dagger. “Hah! I hope she’s better at throwing knives then you are at juggling,” she commented, referencing the time Zuko lied about being a juggler. 

  
  


Mai turned around, and grabbed a pointed icicle from the ice cream cart right behind her. The stall’s freezer had numerous sharp-edged icicles hanging on the outer side of it. She held the icicle she picked in her hand and hurried her pace back towards the fountain as it was beginning to melt. 

  
  


“You see, it’s all in the wrist, really.” Mai said, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply, steadying her heartbeat. She imagined Zuko’s face. And she realized that when she pictured Zuko, she didn’t see that scarred man standing before her. She saw a child, happy and unaware of the hardships to come. It’s funny, she thought to herself. She hadn’t seen Zuko in three years, but she had thought about him — missing his words and comforting hugs — everyday. Yet when he was right  _ here _ , standing right in front of  _ her _ , she felt he was farther from her than ever before. Mai had grown as a person, but Zuko, Zuko had  _ changed  _ as a person. He wasn’t innocent and kind anymore — he was damaged and angry. And Mai, she just wanted to make him happy again, even if it was a short laugh for a short second. She inhaled one last time, and reached her arm out towards Zuko, she aimed, exhaled, and let go. 

  
  


She struck the fish perfectly. 

  
  


Jin widened her eyes in amazement, “Wow! That was amazing!”

  
  


Mai smiled smugly and grabbed another icicle, “You wanna try, Jin?”

  
  


“Oh! No, I couldn’t possibly…Well maybe just one,” the girl said, then proceeded to walk towards Mai and grab the icicle from Mai’s outstretched hand.

  
  


Jin walked closer, so that a smaller range was between her and Zuko. She then chucked the icicle towards him, and he quickly moved away, slipping and falling into the fountain. The icicle shattered when it struck the top of the fountain's stone.

  
  


Mai griminced and even cringed a bit at how badly Jin missed. Mai walked forward, though, elegant as always, and bent down resting her hand on Zuko’s knee, further pushing him into the fountain. She turned up the right side of her lip, in the slightest, seductive manner, “Now we’re even.”

  
  


\----------------------------------

  
  


After Jin left, Mai and Zuko chased each other around the plaza in fits of laughter. 

  
  


“Are you crazy? You could have gotten me killed!” Zuko shouted towards Mai’s direction, heaving for air, but completely unwinded despite running after Mai at such a rough pace. 

  
  


Mai laughed in response, “Whatever,  _ Lee _ .”

  
  


Zuko grabbed the side of Mai’s dress, still panting from chasing her, “Just stop…” he took a breath, fire threatening to replace the air escaping his lips. “For a sec.”

  
  


Zuko pulled her closer and he felt his breaths get heavier as his heart slowed. He glanced down at Mai — watching her eyes flutter around and her lips gasp for air. He blushed. And in turn, she did too. Mai stared at Zuko, intently, watching his every twitch, his every breath. She was like a night-cat watching her prey, fascinated, invested in the smallest movements it would make. The moon shone behind Zuko and it made his face appear paler, glowingly. She thought he looked like an angel, so, so handsome. His sharp chin and golden eyes, showing hints of silver under the light — and Mai swore she could see a halo above his head, but maybe it was just a glimpse of the moon behind him. She wasn’t sure. 

  
  


“You seem to be enjoying yourself,” Zuko said while turning away, embarrassed. He clutched his heart, now profusely blushing. 

  
  


He continued, turning his back further away to face the moon, “I’ve missed seeing this side of you.”

  
  


Mai turned around too and stared at Zuko’s back, tracing her fingers along his spine, listening to his breaths unsteady themselves, becoming reckless and erratic. “Well, a lot has changed since the days when I used to throw mud in your face.” 

  
  


Mai edged closer to Zuko and gently grasped his face from behind him, the spot right under his scar. The sudden touch of her cold hands and long nails against his skin sent a pulse though his body, surprising him. He exhaled deeply, breathing fire, trying to calm himself down. Every nerve was ignited, every second drawing a bigger gasp for air, anticipation building. She pulled his face around so that he was looking down at her, staring into her eyes.

  
  


He let another heap of fire escape his lips as he watched her eyes glisten under the moonlight. He felt his body tremble when her hands brushed onto his scar, dragging back and forth, lovingly. For a moment, Mai swore that she saw the old Zuko. But then she blinked, and a broken man — no, boy — stood before her again. His body wavered, and Mai took a step closer. 

  
  


“But not everything’s changed,” she whispered while leaning in to kiss him. 

_ Not everything’s changed. Some things don’t ever change.  _

  
  



	2. The Awakening

“Aren’t you cold?” Mai questions in her usual emotionless tone. 

  
  


With a quick glance over his shoulder, the scarred boy turns away swiftly only to respond with, “I’ve got a lot on my mind. It’s been so long. Over three years since I was home. I wonder what’s changed… I wonder how  _ I’ve _ changed. 

  
  


The girl glances back for a moment and fakes a yawn, “I just asked if you were cold.” As her hair flutters in the cool evening breeze, she walks towards the boy and gently grasps his face, “I didn’t ask for your whole life story.” 

  
  


He’s tired… confused and painfully lost. About everything, but most of all his choices. He’s going back. He’s returning to the fire nation to reclaim his rightful title as prince and heir to the throne. But something feels so off in the seemingly fantasy dream that is finally coming true. A swift interruption of thoughts, a pale hand with long and lean fingers pulls his face towards hers, and they encase into a long, promising kiss. 

  
  


“Stop worrying.”

  
  


As the sky darkens and a storm threatens near, the couple finds comfort in the warmth of one-anothers loneliness. Feelings, emotions, intuition, it’s all so easy to understand yet so, so hard to express. Zuko turns away to face the dark and unknowing ocean. As the waves splish and splash against the metal fire nation ship, Zuko thinks of how similar the ocean and destiny are. The endless pit of water hides secrets he’ll never know — similar to how he’ll never truly know how his life will turn out. He closes his eyes and breathes in deeply, only to hear the swift and even footsteps of Mai walking far, far away. 

  
  


\------------------------------------------------------------------

A hollow-sounding pound hits the wall right beside the curtain that is considered a doorway into the ship's lower bunk — Mai’s room. The girl brushes her hair back into place and looks up from her hand to meet the eyes of Zuko, who is slowly pushing the curtain over to allow himself to enter the quaint space. Mai glances back down and proceeds to paint a dark, monotone black onto her nails. 

  
  


“Hey,” the boy murmurs.

  
  


“Hey,” the girl whispers back.

  
  


A short pause seems to occur, time stops as they look at each other longingly as if to ask themselves ‘Why?’. Why… Why us? Why of all people did  _ we _ have to be born in this era, in this world, in any entirety why were we born?

  
  


Mai clears her throat, purposefully, breaking the silence and drawing Zuko’s attention back to reality. “So.. are you going to come sit down?” Mai asks as she slowly scoots over to allow room on the small cot she’s sitting on. 

  
  


Zuko glances towards the cot and walks towards it, sitting down and resting an arm around the narrow shoulders of Mai — a comforting and familiar notion. She responds by nestling her head into his chest and letting out a long, emotionless sigh. 

  
  


“I-I just feel nothing lately. When I saw you, it was so weird — I actually felt something. I still can’t believe you’re really here, coming home with me. Are you happy? I am.” Mai asks as a smile starts to form on her lips, but she quickly dismisses it in fear to show emotion — in fear that if she is happy she’ll only be hurt again.

  
  


After all, happiness never lasts. Not in the fire nation. In the few moments you experience goodness, a thousand more moments return with pain and humiliation. Like the day that Zuko was banished. Sure, Mai and Zuko weren’t dating at the time — they were merely thirteen year old kids with a crush. But despite this, they still had a bond that was complex and meaningful, full of much depth. An entire nation, and yet the only person they trusted, felt safe with, and could understand — were each other. 

  
  


Rough and calloused hands brush the sharp chin of the girl and a dry voice, Zuko’s voice, says, “I missed you.”

  
  


Of course, he would avoid answering the question. He wasn’t happy. Mai gave him a spark of relief in a world of darkness, but she isn’t the answer nor the right choice. Mai is a friend, a lover, someone to comfort him in his times of confusion. But she isn’t and would  _ never _ be what would solve the deep-rooted issue Zuko had since birth. What is  **right** and what is  **wrong** ?

  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------

  
  


The following morning, the couple were joined by Azula and Ty Lee to enjoy a meal of roast duck — the last fresh meal until their arrival home. 

  
  


“So, I suppose that we can confirm that you’re back together now. Great job, Mai, already trying to regain your title as future fire lady,” Azula says as she bites down crisply on her chopsticks, sending a mischievous warning towards Mai. 

  
  


Although it was never openly said, Mai knew that Azula had some insane infatuation with becoming Fire Lord. No way in hell, would she ever let Zuko regain his title as crown prince without some type of ‘strings attached’ ordeal. Mai knew that she should say something, but she didn’t. Sometimes in situations as such, Mai would just stay quiet, watch and listen. It would all play out eventually and she feared that her interference would make things worse. She pushed her thoughts aside and held Zuko’s hand beneath the table. At least he was here with  _ her _ . Even if it would soon come crashing down — all their years of friendship were soon to be toppling down, over them and into a history book. 

  
  



	3. Ember Island

“I’m so excited to spend the weekend at Ember Island!” Ty Lee squeals in her usually, cheery voice. “It’s going to be great to hang out at the beach and do nothing,” she continues while leaning back to stretch her neck. 

  
  


“Doing nothing is a waste of time. We’re being sent away on a forced vacation. I feel like a child,” Zuko groans as he sits up from the bench near the front deck of the fire navy ship. 

  
  


“Oh, lighten up… So dad wants to meet with his advisors alone, without anyone else around. Don’t take it personally,” Azula replies while studying Mai and Zuko, noticing how they seem somewhat distant.

  
  


Ty Lee gestures a hand upwards and attempts to lighten the mood, “Doesn’t your family have a house on Ember Island?”

  
  


Azula smiles at the question, thinking of a few fond memories, “We used to come here every summer when we were kids.”

  
  


“That must’ve been fun,” Ty Lee replies coolly. 

  
  


Zuko stares out at the ocean, “That was a long time ago.” The sudden sound of his honey dripped voice startles Mai, and she glances up to watch his hair flutter around in the breeze. She likes his hair long. She likes watching it blow around in the wind as the ship tilts around following the movements of the ocean. But she knows, deep down, she knows that this isn’t going to last. Eventually, something will happen, like it always does. Eventually, Zuko won’t be here for her to talk to and watch. Eventually, she won’t have Zuko here to run her fingers through his knotted hair. Mai knows that he’ll just be taken away from her, or worse, he’ll take himself away from her. Happiness never lasts. Never. Which is why she closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and returns to her emotionless state. If you feel nothing, you can’t get hurt. 

  
  


A few moments pass and the sky begins to lighten as they draw nearer to Ember Island. Ember Island is a hidden gem amongst the many places found within the fire nation. Many can recall picturesque memories of their childhood vacations with just hearing the name ‘Ember Island’. Upon first glance, a wave of peace enters the mind and excitement entices the body. Ember Island is a place you can go to make memories, recall memories, and feel nostalgic about memories you’ve never even had. It’s like a small spot encased inside a bubble, separate from the cruel feeling of the rest of the fire nation. Some may say, Ember Island is  _ magical _ . 

  
  


As the teens arrive at the harbor, they’re greeted by Li and Lo, “Welcome to Ember Island, kids!” 

  
  


The teens glance up to bask in the view — and then their eyes meet their vacation house. Tall and structured, a clean golden shingled roof, nestled in two small rocky hills. Not exactly the palace they’re used to. But it’s something. In a somewhat joking manner, Zuko and Mai turn to face each other making a ‘I’d rather die’ face. Mai shoves Zuko’s shoulder gently and then whispers sarcastically, “This place looks great.” Zuko lets out a small laugh and holds Mai’s hand as they enter the vacation home. The floors of the house are a nude-toned wood and they creak as you walk across them. Lo pushes back a light green curtain and brings them into a large room. Across the walls, paintings and artwork are hung, a few seashells too. Perfumes, decorative jars, and a few ornamental items rest upon the many dressers found within the room. Amongst it all, stands out four bright magenta beds with a horribly terrible pattern on them.

  
  


“It smells like old lady in here,” Zuko complains. 

  
  


Mai sighs and replies with, “Gee.. Wonder why.” 

  
  


Zuko and Mai follow behind the others as Li and Lo give a tour of the place. They reach a wall covered in a stained, yellow and brown wallpaper. Covering most of the wall, is a painting of two eloquent women. A gold frame rims the painting. 

  
  


“Who are these two beautiful women?” questions Ty Lee, happily as always. 

  
  


“Can’t you tell? It’s Lo and me!” Li exclaims as her and her sister pose together in front of the photo. 

  
  


Zuko fakes a gag as he sees them pose and Mai lets out a small giggle. They continue to follow Ty Lee over to the bed area. 

  
  


“I love this seashell bedspread,” Ty Lee comments as she lays herself out on the magenta bedding, slowly feeling the silky texture. 

  
  


Mai rolls her eyes and mutters, “Are you serious? It looks like the beach threw up all over it.” 

  
  


Zuko smiles a bit. It really does. 

“We know you’re upset that you were forced to come here this weekend, but Ember Island is a magical place. Keep an open mind,” Li says.

  
  


Lo continues by saying, “Give it a chance, and it can help you understand yourselves and each other.”

  
  


Li grabs a stone that’s set on the table next to her and slowly rubs it’s slick surface, “The beach has a special way of smoothing even the most ragged edges.”

Azula yawns. Li and Lo clap twice, to express their readiness and excitement to head to the beach. Then, the two twins swiftly remove their bathing suit covers to reveal a low hung dress and two quite saggy chests, “Time to hit the beach!” 

  
  


Mai frowns in disgust and reaches a hand out to cover Zuko’s eyes. 

  
  


\---------------------------------------

  
  


As the sun shone bright over the ocean, waves crashing and washing the sand further into sea, the four teenagers set up spots to sunbathe — or not. Zuko and Mai sit under an umbrella, unlike most other people, and they complain about their beach house. Well, Mai does most of the complaining.

  
  


“This place is boring. I hate the sun.” 

  
  


Zuko wraps an arm around Mai. “Yeah.”

  
  


A young kid runs by, giggling and kicking sand into their faces. They both turn their head to the side, and Zuko’s eyes meet those of a delicate seashell. 

  
  


_ “Girls like pretty things. Like a thief they’ll steal your heart and your money.”  _

  
  


“Here, this is for you,” Zuko says, reaching for the shell and holding it up to Mai.

  
  


Mai frowns. Such a thoughtless gift.

  
  


_ “Mai, you’re a woman of class. You deserve the best and you’ll only accept the best. Do you understand?” _

  
  


_ “I said, do you understand? Do you understand me? Listen to me, you worthless, trashy girl.” _

  
  


“Why would I want that?” Mai asks, snarkily. It’s not a question but instead a statement.

  
  


_ Zuko. What is going on with you? You’re so angry. So thoughtless. Why aren’t you overjoyed; Why aren’t you happy? You’re sheltered, lying to me, to yourself about how you feel. You’re acting like you don’t care. A seashell? Is that all you’re going to do? Just give me a thoughtless gift and hope that it satisfies me? Just hope that it makes me shut up and watch you drown in your own anger?  _

  
  


“Don’t girls like stuff like this?”

  
  


Mai turns away from Zuko, “Maybe stupid girls.”  _ Like that girl Jin, the one you kissed when I wasn’t there.  _

  
  


“Forget it!” Zuko yells, throwing the shell, his body warming in rushes of anger. Returning to the Fire Nation lit a fire in Zuko, and it was only spreading, growing larger and larger, more rash by the day. 

  
  


_ He’s so angry. He’s so different. The entire time we’ve been here — at Ember Island — no, the entire time we’ve been back in the Fire Nation, he’s been angry. Hotheaded and ill tempered. I don’t like it. It’s pissing me off. Can’t he just... be happy for me? I don’t understand. _

  
  


Zuko stands up and walks away, going who knows where. Mai sits in silence, closes her eyes and thinks about the day Zuko left. The day he was banished.

_ “I knew that boy was trouble. Everyone always said that Azula was the strong-minded and smart one. It’s a good thing he was banished before you got too attached.” _

  
  


_ “ _ **_Mom_ ** _ , weren’t you just saying how I should be using my feminine charms to entice him? So that one day I can be Fire Lady? I don’t understand you, you’re so cold. All you do is use people for more money and power — I don’t want that. I don’t want to end up as some emotionless, restricted, old woman, constantly trying to adhere to every societal expectation. I don’t want to be  _ **_perfect_ ** _ , that’s boring.”  _

  
  


_ “But you will. Shut your mouth, child. Or your father will show you how.”  _

  
  


_ And so I did, I shut my mouth, only to speak a few words every now and then. I shut my mouth and absorbed every insult. I shut my mouth, closed my eyes, and I tried to erase my mind. I tried to erase every trace of emotion. I wanted to feel nothing. I want to be  _ **_nothing._ **

  
  


The sound of footsteps crunching, leaving a detailed marking in the sand, awoke Mai from her thoughts. She looked up. Zuko. It was Zuko. 

  
  


He carefully sat back down, balancing two strawberry flavored ice cream cones in his hands.

  
  


“I thought since it’s so hot...here,” Zuko said, gently, maintaining an even, steady voice. He handed the ice cream to Mai, and she stared at it for a moment. Then it fell. The ice cream fell and splattered all over Mai’s lap. Pleasant. 

  
  


“Thanks. This is really...refreshing.”

  
  


\------------------------------------

  
  


A game of volleyball later, the teens are found back at the deck of their beach house. The decked area is propped up on stilts that rest upon the ocean. A red cloth-like material is draped upon the stilts, shading them from the sun. At the corners of each stilt, hangs vivid green plants — slightly overgrown. And in the middle of it all is a red, hexagon-shaped table. Surrounding the table, six purple cushions are placed as seating — the cushions have a similar seashell pattern found on the bedspreads inside. The teens each sit on a cushion, and they chat about the party that they were invited to. Mai and Zuko don’t really have a choice in the matter of whether they’d attend or not, but if they had been there they would definitely have declined the invitation. 

  
  


Li and Lo pull back a red and yellow curtain and walk onto the deck, their footsteps making the wood beneath them creak with every movement forward. 

  
  


“We brought lunch!” they say, setting down plates of various seafood dishes. 

  
  


Mai and Zuko sit together at the left corner of the deck, his arm draped around her waist. They both stay out of the conversation the others are having, but they still listen intently.

  
  


“Like waves washing away the footprints on the sand, Ember Island gives everyone a clean slate,” Li says while blowing on her soup, cooling it down.

  
  


Mai and Zuko glance at each other, making ‘whatever’ faces. They don’t take wisdom well. 

  
  


Li continues talking, despite Mai and Zuko’s disrespect. But this time, she directs her words toward them, “Ember Island reveals the true you.”  _ The true us.  _

  
  


\------------------------------------------------

  
  


Later that day, around dusk, the teens arrive at [ ] ‘s house for the party. Mai and Zuko walk behind everyone, taking in the setting, holding hands. They pass by a guy, around Zuko’s height, adjusting his hair in a mirror hung on the wall. 

  
  


“Hey! First ones here, huh’,” the guy says, turning from the mirror to lean against the wall behind him. He winks at Mai.  _ She’s pretty. _

  
  


Zuko glances towards the guy, he’s standing by the wall to his left. His face narrows when he sees him. The guy’s attractive, similar looking to Zuko, but clear from a horrid scar. 

  
  


Zuko makes a passive sound, something Mai finds undistinguishable. “That guy thinks he’s so great. Well, what do you think of him?”

  
  


“I don’t have any opinion about him. I hardly know him,” Mai says, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. 

  
  


Zuko lets go of her hand. “You like him, don’t you.” His face scrunches up, more angrily than usual. Mai just sighs, irritated, and walks over to sit on a bench across the room. Zuko turns around again though, locking eyes with the guy. He sends a glare to him and the guy just smiles knowingly. Zuko turns away, clearly heated. He takes a deep breath and walks over to sit by Mai. He wraps his arm around her — a gesture he knows comforts her. She lets him, but turns her face away. He turns away too.  _ She’s mad at me. _

“I’m bored,” Mai says, bland as ever.

  
  


“I know.”

  
  


“I’m hungry.”

  
  


“So what?” Zuko asks, a slight edge in his voice. 

  
  


“So, find me some food,” Mai tells him. She just wants to send him away for a moment. She’s mad at him, and he knows it. 

  
  


“Sure,” Zuko responds, softer this time. He gets up and walks away. Mai crosses her arms around herself, trying to copy the same feeling Zuko gives her when he wraps his arms around her. Social settings overwhelm her, and while she’s mad at Zuko, he makes her feel safe and comfortable. 

  
  


\--------------------------------

  
  


Zuko grabs a bowl off the edge of the long rectangular table found in the middle of the room. He looks across the long buffet-like selection available to him from the table and searches for foods Mai likes. He decides that the only thing she would like out of it all would be the dumplings, so he grabs three and places them in the bowl. Then, he starts walking back towards Mai, squeezing through the crowds of people. Someone backs up though, bumping into Zuko. The dumplings drop to the floor and tumble across the room. 

  
  


“Hey, watch it!” That food was for my cranky girlfriend!” Zuko yells, pointing a finger over towards the bench Mai was sitting on earlier. The person who bumped into Zuko, a tan boy wearing his hair in a bun, looks over to where he was pointing. He raises an eyebrow, causing Zuko to look over. And there she was — Mai — and standing over her, with an outstretched arm leaning onto the wall, was the same guy from earlier. The one that looked a bit like Zuko. Mai was looking up at him, her arms no longer crossed, she was even smiling a bit. She looked comfortable.  _ Jerk.  _ Zuko clenched his fists, running over to Mai and pushing the guy far away from Mai. 

  
  


“What’re you doing?” the guy asks, irritated and clearly mad. 

  
  


“Stop talking to my girlfriend.” Zuko yells, drawing the attention of the other people at the party. He steps in front of Mai, like a poor man protecting his only treasure. Mai frowns, her eyebrows pointing inwards in shock and aggravation. She sits up straighter. 

  
  


“Relax, it’s just a party,” the guy says, casually walking back towards Mai. Zuko pushes him again, but this time it’s so aggressively that the guy spirals across the room, smashing an expensive looking vase. Mai rushes to stand up. Her facial expression is almost unreadable — She’s shocked. Mai reaches her hand out to touch Zuko’s shoulder, turning him around and catching his attention.

  
  


“Zuko!” She pulls her arm away from him. “What is wrong with you?” 

  
  


“What’s wrong with me?”  _ What’s wrong with that guy. Who does he think he is, talking to  _ **_my_ ** _ girlfriend?  _

  
  


“Your temper’s out of control. You blow up over every little thing. You’re so impatient and hot-headed and angry!” Mai yells, showing so much emotion that Zuko is dismayed. 

  
  


In a rush of fury Zuko yells back, “At least I feel something as opposed to you. You have no passion for anything,” he raises his arms up to express his anger, “You’re just a big ‘blah’.”

  
  


Mai’s face turns neutral. 

_ Hide your emotions and you’ll be okay. You’re okay.  _

  
  


Zuko’s softens, with realization and regret at what he just said.  _ I’m so stupid. Why would I say that? _

  
  


Mai turns around.  _ I need to end it. Before we hurt each other more.  _ “It’s over, Zuko. We’re done,” Mai declares, her last words trembling a bit. She frowns in the slightest, almost unnoticeable way.  _ It had to be done. _

  
  


Zuko feels his breathing stop and his body go numb. It was like someone shot him. No, it was like Mai shot him.  _ But I love you. But I don’t want to be done.  _

  
  


The party’s host runs over to Zuko and points toward the door. “That’s it. You’re out of here!”

  
  


“I was just leaving,” Zuko murmurs, glancing at Mai one last time, pain in his eyes, and then he turns away to walk out towards the door.

  
  


“Have fun by yourself, loser boy.” the guy who was flirting with Mai mocks. Mai shrivels her face up in disgust.  _ He’s not a loser. You are.  _

  
  


Zuko slams the door. And then, he’s gone. 

  
  



	4. Zuko

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus far in writing, this is my favorite chapter — it's the most emotionally heavy and it's a lot of angst. While it's kind of messy, I still think it's the best chapter I've written yet. Enjoy

**Chapter 4: Zuko**

  
  


I have few, vague memories of family vacations on Ember Island. I remember flashes of my mother, Ursa, holding me. I remember sparks of my father, Ozai, holding my hand for a royal painting — then leaving right after. I remember short moments, but I’ve tried so hard to forget it all. I’ve tried so, so hard to just flood my mind with images of the ocean and forget. When I think of Ember Island, I don’t think of the happy and fun times. Instead, I think of a vicious flood, swishing back and forth, warning me to forget. 

  
  


_ Laughing on the beach. _

  
  


_ Iroh, smiling. Lu Ten, giggling with me. _

  
  


_ Hugging mom. _

  
  


_ Lu Ten, dead. _

  
  


_ Azulon, dead. _

  
  


_ Mom, missing. Presumed Dead. _

  
  


_ Me, the banished prince. _

  
  


When I was thirteen, I kissed Mai for the first time. We were sitting in the royal courtyard, by the pond of turtleducks. We had been sitting, talking, for hours. About everything. All the pain. All the humiliation. All the abuse. We spoke about how Mai’s mother restricted her from everything that freed her, how her mother took away everything that made her happy. We talked about how Mai’s father yelled and hit her, how he turned her mother into a monster. We talked about me, and my father… my mother. We talked about how my father loved Azula more than me and how I desperately wanted to be the perfect prince. We talked about how my mother protected me with all she had, but she couldn’t do it forever. And we cried. And we talked about how the world’s just a colorful pit of venomous monsters. The colors, blinding you from the bad — fooling you to think that maybe, just maybe, it’s all beautiful. But it’s not. Azula and Ty Lee called us pessimists, but I think we’re realists. That’s what I loved about Mai, well, I loved everything about her. But I really loved how she understood me. She’s the only person who just... gets it. She just understands me and my longing for something unrealistic. She understands how everything is horrible and boring — she understands how I look at the happy things and only think about the pain that comes after. Maybe it’s toxic. Maybe we’re just fueling one anothers destructive outlook on life. 

  
  


But is that really so bad...are  _ we _ really so wrong?

  
  


_ “Aren’t you cold?” _

  
  


_ “Stop worrying.” _

  
  


Her voice, dry of emotion, but hints of love, echo and echo around me. The last words she spoke, lingering and lingering. 

  
  


_ “It’s over, Zuko. We’re done.” _

  
  


_ “We’re done.” _

  
  


We’re done. 

  
  


\-----------------------------------------

It takes me a while to fully realize where I am -- sitting inside an abandoned house by the beach. I’m pressing my right hand against a stone imprint of another hand — my hand before everything began crumbling to dust. And it keeps on crumbling. Like a body burning, turning to ash. All the parts, all the history, turning into little black particles only to float into a vase and disappear into nothing. Forgotten. Forever.

  
  


It’s funny, really, to think that life used to be bearable. To think that I used to be able to sit through days without thoughts of ending it. To think I used to be able to carelessly crack a smile. To think that I never, ever, feared the future. I thought I knew it all -- how things would turn out. I would be on a gold throne with the world bowing down. But look where I am now. I’m nothing but a banished prince. 

  
  


“I thought I’d find you here,” Azula says, making her way up the wooden steps of the abandoned beach house.

  
  


I continue looking down, studying the stone engravement of my hand. The cold breeze brushes my hair back and the world feels quiet. 

  
  


“Those summers we spent here seem so long ago,” I pause between my words, setting down the stone, “So much has changed.” 

  
  


Azula looks up at the moon and sighs, “Come down to the beach with me. Come on. This place is depressing.”

  
  


She begins walking away and I stand up to follow behind her, sand scraping beneath my toes. As we near the beach’s sitting area, I hear familiar voices grow closer. Mai and Ty Lee. 

I try to avoid making eye contact with either of them as I walk closer. Instead, I let my eyes wander around at my surroundings. Waves of secrets washing against the rigid sand. The sand meeting its end at the slope of a steep overhang, vines and thorns draping down it. Like warnings, telling you to go away — to not draw near. But I draw near anyways.

  
  


As I walk past Mai I can’t help but turn to see her face — but the pain strikes again when I see the sting in her eyes. I feel rushes of daggers slowly etching our history together onto my heart. And when it’s done slicing me up, our history’s gone. My heart along with it too.

  
  


“Hey.” 

  
  


It’s her. Her voice, again. And again. Ringing through my ears, piercing my heart, pushing me through storm after storm. Her hands — I envision them and the feeling — of her running them up my body. Her nails, scraping up against my back, tingles of love pulsing through me. It’s addicting. I think I’m addicted. And I think I need to stop. I need to stop running back and forth to her — I need to stop taking her like a drug. She’s so much more without me. And I’m  _ nothing  _ without her. 

  
  


“Where’s your new boyfriend.” I’m cutting off the supply. Ridding of the drug. I’m addicted. Her lips. Her hands. Her voice. I keep taking it in. I get so high off it. I float off into the clouds — away from this all with her. She’s my step stool to heaven. She is my heaven. And it feels so wrong, like I don’t deserve it. Like I don’t deserve her. 

  
  


Because I know I don’t deserve her. 

  
  


But I can’t stop myself. And so I go back to her. 

  
  


“Are you cold?” I whisper, sitting down on the bench and wrapping my arm around her. She doesn’t even bother looking up to meet my eyes. Instead, she turns further away and slaps my arm away from her. That’s when I remember.

  
  


_ We’re done. _

  
  


She doesn’t want me. She ended it. And I need to move on; I need to cut off the supply. Again and again I keep telling myself this. I blink back the pain flooding in my eyes and look down.

  
  


“I’ll make a fire,” I mutter, not necessarily to the group but mainly to Mai. I turn to look at her, pushing back the urge to just burst down crying — to just stop it all and say sorry. But instead I continue, pausing between my words, “There’s plenty of stuff to burn in there.” I look up at the abandoned beach house that I had just walked from. A shroud of anger washes over me every single time I look up there. It’s like looking at my past — and it keeps making me wonder why it’s so, so hard to just be the perfect prince I was supposed to be. It makes me think of the facade of a happy family I used to have — how come I couldn’t just fit into the image?

  
  


\--------------------------------------

  
  


It’s burning and burning. The pictures of my family. I throw them in, light them on fire. My hands shaking — almost like I don’t want to burn the past. But deep down I’m so angry — I’m angry at my past. And so I keep staring down, watching the memories burn to ash. 

  
  


“What are you doing?” Ty Lee asks, hints of pain and concern linger in her eyes. She looks at me, frowning. I just scowl, turning away.

  
  


“What does it look like I’m doing?”

  
  


“But… it’s a painting of your family.” 

  
  


I cross my arms, raising my voice, “You think I care? You don’t know me, so why don’t you just mind your own business!” With my last words, I uncross my arms and tense my hands, turning to face the ocean and walking away.

  
  


“I know you.”

  
  


I throw my right hand out, like Mai does when she throws her knives. “No you don’t. You’re stuck in your little Ty Lee world where everything’s great all the time.”

  
  


“Zuko!” I freeze for a second, slowly turning to the voice yelling my name. Slowly turning to Mai’s voice. “Leave her alone,” she says when my eyes meet hers, despair hinting in her words. I turn away and continue walking closer to the ocean.

  
  


“Look at me, I can walk on my hands!” I yell, mocking Ty Lee and gesturing my hands up. I pull my body upside down and crash into the sand. Pellets of earth flying out around me, stinging my eyes. And I just lay there for a second, like making a snow angel in the sand, but instead of moving my arms and legs to paint a sweet memory, I scrunch my face up, laying still. “Circus freak.” 

  
  


Azula laughs at that, pulling a hand in front of her mouth to display how humorous she finds it all. 

  
  


“Yes, I’m a circus freak. Go ahead and laugh all you want,” Ty Lee pauses, gesturing a hand to her right at Azula. Tears are streaming down her face while Azula just pulls a hand up to her face, resting her chin against it. 

  
  


“You want to know why I joined the circus?”

“Here we go,” Azula mummers, boredly. She brings her hand down and droops it over, making a disgusted face — like she couldn’t be more bored of all of us. Like she’s bored of everyone else and their insecurities. Then again, why wouldn’t she be? Azula’s the  _ perfect  _ daughter. 

  
  


Ty Lee ignores her, tears streaming down her face. “Do you have any idea what my home life was like? Growing up with six sisters who look exactly like me?” Ty Lee pulls her hands up to her chest, turning to meet the eyes of each teen, and she stands up. She brings her hands to her head — like that’s where all the pain is lost — and she closes her eyes, throwing her arms outwards. In a sense, it’s like she’s throwing away all the badness… all the pain. “It was like I didn’t even have my own name!” She covers her eyes, falling to her knees. “I joined the circus because I was scared of spending the rest of my life as part of a matched set. At least I’m different now.” She moves her hands away, opening her eyes and raising her head up to face Zuko. “Circus freak is a compliment,” Ty Lee yells, tears still flooding down her face.

  
  


“Guess that’s why you need ten boyfriends too,” Mai says, utterly lacking any emotion at all. 

  
  


Ty lee rushes to stand up, putting her hands on her hips and turning to face Mai. “I’m sorry, what?” she asks, but almost more like a statement than a question.

  
  


Mai keeps her gaze steady, staring at Ty Lee coldly. “Attention Issues. You couldn’t get enough attention when you were a kid,” Mai looks down knowingly, “So you’re trying to make up for it now.”

  
  


Ty Lee’s voice cracks. She almost sounds hysterical. “Well, what’s your excuse Mai? You were an only child for fifteen years but even with all of that attention your aura is this dingy, pasty, gray…”

  
  


Mai keeps her arms crossed, shrugging as she casually interrupts Ty Lee, “I don’t believe in auras.”

  
  


I stand up, fists clenched, facing Mai. “Yeah. You don’t believe in anything.”  _ You didn’t even believe in us. _

  
  


“Oh, well, I’m sorry I can’t be as high strung and crazy as the rest of you,” she replies sarcastically, turning away.

  
  


“I’m sorry too. I wish you would be high strung and crazy for once,” I walk towards her, “Instead of keeping all your feelings bottled up inside.” I point to Ty Lee, “She just called your aura dingy! Are you going to take that?” 

  
  


Mai just closes her eyes for a moment and then falls back on the bench, raising her hands behind her head. “What do you want from me? You want a teary confession about how hard my childhood was?” her voice gets colder and quieter, “Well, it wasn’t. I was a rich only child who got anything I wanted.” She looks up at the sky, and I see her eyes soften. “As long as I behaved. And sat still. And didn’t speak unless spoken to. My mother said I had to keep out of trouble...we had my dad’s political career to think about.”

  
  


Azula crosses her arms, “Well that’s it then. You have a controlling mother who had certain expectations and if you strayed from them you were shut down. That’s why you’re afraid to care about anything and why you can’t express yourself.”

  
  


Mai frowns, and I take a step back as she sits up to the edge of the bench. “You want me to express myself?” She stands. “Leave me alone!” she screams. I’m shocked. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Mai raise her voice so loudly… and emotionally. I smile, and step closer. I reach a hand out to rest on her shoulder, “I like when you express yourself.” Mai stands up, backing off and throwing her arm out, pushing me away. “Don’t touch me! I’m still mad at you”

  
  


“My life hasn’t been that easy either, Mai.”

  
  


“Whatever. That doesn’t excuse the way you’ve been acting.” She stares at me, on the verge of tears. But her voice doesn’t show pain but anger. And it makes me feel so, so guilty. 

  
  


“Calm down, guys! This much negative energy is bad for your skin.” Ty Lee interrupts, drawing Mai’s eyes away from mine. At Ty Lee’s remark, I see a twinge of emotion strike Mai and I know that she knows how much Ty Lee’s remark angers me. “You’ll totally break out,” Ty Lee adds on a lighter note, completely ignoring the hints Mai is sending to drop the topic.

  
  


“Bad skin?” I yell.

  
  


Ty Lee shrouds down, recognition hitting. “Normal teenagers worry about bad skin. I don’t have that luxury,” I scrunch my fists up, digging my nails into my hands, “My father gave me a permanent lesson on my face!” I’m yelling so loudly I can’t even hear myself. My hands shake as I point at my scar, emphasizing on my last words. 

  
  


“I-I’m sorry Zuko. I-,” Ty Lee stops herself, looking down.

  
  


“For so long, I thought that if my dad accepted me I’d be happy. I’m back home now. My dad talks to me,” I laugh, “He even thinks I’m a hero.” I throw my hands out, looking up at the sky angrily. “Everything should be perfect, right? I should be happy now. But I’m not!” I turn back around, tugging at the sides of my hair. “I’m angrier than ever, and I don’t know why!”

  
  


Azula props a leg up on the bench, leaning back cooly. “There’s a simple question you need to answer then. Who are you angry at?” 

  
  


“I’m just angry.” My voice starts to soften, confusion and pain and every emotion just pounding at me. I feel all alone — even with everyone around me. I’m lost. And I’m alone. 

  
  


“Yeah, who are you angry at Zuko?” Mai’s voice is soft and gentle — quiet even — as she questions. She really wants to know who I’m angry at. But I don’t know.

  
  


“Everyone.” I pull my hands up to cover my ears, plunging my eyes closed. “I don’t know!”

  
  


“Is it dad?” Azula asks.

  
  


“No...no.”

  
  


“Your uncle?” Ty Lee questions, innocently.

  
  


“Me?” Azula asks, eyes rising, making a puzzled expression.

  
  


“No. No. No.” I cry out, shaking my head back and forth, feeling tears threatening to trickle down.

  
  


“Then who?” Mai narrows her eyes, “Who are you angry at?”

  
  


Azula frowns, “Answer the question, Zuko.”

  
  


“Talk to us!” Ty Lee shouts, trying her best to understand.

  
  


Their words overwhelm me and I feel dizzy, my eyes flashing back and forth across their faces. All the words spilling out jumble together in my brain and it gets louder than any noise I’ve heard. I think I’m going to pass out, but then it gets quiet and I hear Mai ask again, one last time. And I know. 

  
  


“I’m angry at myself.” I yell, throwing my hands down, rising the fire pit up, flames dashing everywhere. Mai, Ty Lee, and Azula cover their faces with their arms. But I, I shroud behind the fire, panting, letting the little specks of ash land on my skin and sting me. 

  
  


I turn towards the ocean again. It looks almost like a black hole of nothing. It’s even darker now, the starless sky reflecting on the waves. The only light coming from the fire pit paints a small reflection in the dark waters. I stare at it. “Because I’m confused. Because I’m not sure I know the difference between right and wrong anymore.” I shake my head.

  
  


“You’re pathetic.” Azula laughs.

  
  


I close my eyes, ignoring her. I hear someone stand up behind me and their footsteps lightly crunch in the sand as they walk toward me. I don’t bother turning around. But then I hear her voice, looming with little emotion. But I listen close unlike the others, and I hear the sorrowful love.

  
  


“I know one thing I care about.” Mai wraps her arm around me, turning so that our eyes meet. She smiles gently, tears making her eyes sparkle a bit. 

  
  


“I care about  _ you _ ,” she whispers. 

  
  


I smile, my body relaxing a bit, almost like a bit of pain was carried away just from knowing that Mai cares — that she really cares about me. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her closer, closing my eyes. She closes hers too, grabbing my face, caressing my scar and pulling on my hair. And we kiss, slowly but lovingly, stopping every few seconds to take a breath in between. In each breath, my heart slows and I pull her even closer. My body feels weak and all the wounds that have been aching disappear. And I feel happy — just for a few moments.

  
  



End file.
